


True Happiness

by sermerlin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Crying, Cute, I Made Myself Cry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sermerlin/pseuds/sermerlin
Summary: Dean didn't expect to go the way he did, but he definitely didn't expect to find out Cas was back from The Empty. What would happen now?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	True Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> I once wrote fanfiction, a lot of fanfiction. I haven't for years, but like so many of us the finale of Supernatural brought me back. I'm not a native English writer, so please forgive me if there are any mistakes in the text. Like I said, it's been a while so forgive me for being a little rusty (kinda like the spike that killed Dean. (Too soon? Sorry, I'll see myself out.)

He definitely hadn’t expected to go this way. Who the hell even let a spike like that sit there, it’s dangerous. Dean had learned not to expect too much from people, given the times the world had almost ended, and no one ever noticed. He tensed his jaw at this thought, what a stupid way to go. He took another corner on woods surrounded road he was following. 

After his talk with Bobby Dean immediately started driving. He had tried not to show anything when Bobby had mentioned Cas, but his insides were twisted in tight knots. Cas had helped Jack rebuild heaven. Cas is not in The Empty. Dean didn’t know how to feel. He was feeling both happy that Cas made it oud of that hellhole and crushed that Cas didn’t try to find him. A tiny voice in his head told him that Dean hadn’t tried looking for Cas either. He tried to shake the thought away but was unsuccessful. ‘’Another thing to feel guilty for. Great.’’ Dean muttered under his breath as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. 

When Jack had restored everything that Chuck changed, Dean had felt numb. The usual feeling of victory after a battle this big didn’t make it to his heart and he knew why. His home would never be the same. He had tried to pray to Jack, more than once: ‘’Bring him back. Please, Jack, I know what you said, but please bring him back to me.’’ Never had his prayer been answered and Dean knew he messed up. Never had he told Sam what happened between Cas and him right before The Empty took him, but Dean had a feeling Sam knew. If he didn’t know the specifics, he knew how Dean felt. 

Dean had felt anxious, depressed and had thrown himself into hunting. Why try to stay safe if the one thing, the one person he would have wanted to live for wasn’t there anymore? It was reckless, he knew. A part of him, a stupid, hopeful part of him, had hoped that if he was in enough danger, Cas would have showed up. Turn up out of the blue to fight next to him and Sam. But as soon as Dean had felt the spike impale him, he knew it was a foolish thing to hope. 

So here he was, driving around heaven, feeling even more stupid that Cas was alive and chose not to come in his hour of need. Dean sighed and took one hand of the wheel to rub is forehead. Dean had hurt him, he knew it. When Cas had opened up to him about his feelings Dean hadn’t allowed himself to feel his and Cas had gone to The Empty without even knowing- Dean slammed his foot on the brakes and steered his beloved Impala to the side of the road. He got out, slammed his door shut and started pacing back and forth along the length of his car. 

How could he have let this happen. How could he have been this stupid and not told Cas how he had felt? Dean had hoped that once the whole Chuck thing was over-. He had hoped he’d have more time but death once again knew how to ruin that. Dean stopped pacing and slammed his hands on the hood of his car. ‘’Dammit!’’ The calm of the woods around Dean didn’t do much in calming him down. ‘’I need to punch something.’’ Dean thought as he set out into the woods. 

Muttering under his breath, telling himself how stupid he had been, he started looking for a moss-covered tree. But once he had found the desired tree all anger and frustration left him. Dean let himself fall on his knees and rested his head on the tree he had wanted to destroy moments before. As tears streamed down his face, he knew what he had to do, the same thing as he had once done before. ‘’Cas? Cas, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I messed up. I’m sorry. I had hoped, wished, we had more time. Your confession came at such a bad time. I was still trying to process what you had just said when The Empty closed up again.’’ Dean heard the flutter of wings behind him but didn’t dare to look back. He knew this was the moment to make his own confession. Dean sniffed. ‘’I love you too, Cas. Of course I do, from the moment your got me out of hell I was yours. I was just too stupid, too biased, too full of the expectations I thought I had to uphold to see and feel it. When The Empty took you, it took a part of me too.’’ Dean shuddered. 

‘’Dean.’’ It was barely even a whisper, if he hadn’t heard the wings moments before Dean had thought he’d have imagined it. The hand that now rested on his shoulder confirmed it as well, confirmed him as well. Dean still didn’t dare to look back. ‘’I’m so sorry, Cas. You deserved better.’’ Dean, still on his knees, tried to look back at the angel, but quickly turned his head back again, scared of the expression he might see. ‘’Dean.’’ Castiel now said, a bit louder. Dean could feel him behind him, he was close. He couldn’t take it any longer and turned around on his knees. 

He hadn’t anticipated Castiel being this close which resulted in him losing his balance mid turn and landing flat on his ass. ‘’It’s clear who of the two of us has the most grace.’’ Castiel said, looking down at Dean now sitting with his back to the tree. Dean, annoyed by himself, momentarily forgot what was going on. ‘’Yeah? You’re an angel, that’s cheating.’’ He said as he angrily tried to wipe his hands clean. Dean pulled up his right leg and fumbled with the sleeve of his jacket, delaying the inevitable moment of when he had to look up and face Cas.  
‘’Thank you, Dean. For what you just said.’’ Dean looked up at Cas, surprised to see his eyes full of tenderness. ‘’I never for a moment expected you to love me back. Like I said, my happiness was in the saying, the being in love with you.’’ Cas got down on his knees in front of Dean and sighed. ‘’I had hoped I wouldn’t see you again so soon, but I’m glad you’re here.’’ 

Dean tore his gaze away from Cas and focused it on a rock in the distance. ‘’Why didn’t you come back to earth? To me? I don’t like to admit it, but I did some stupid things while I thought I would never get to talk to you again.’’ Cas rolled his eyes. ‘’Being impaled on a rusty spike being one of them?’’ Dean looked Cas in the eye. ‘’That being one of them, yeah.’’ He picked up a twig and started tearing it to pieces. ‘’You must understand Cas, I thought I’d lost you. I prayed to Jack, to bring you back and well...’’ Dean made a hand gesture and went back to picking at the twig.

‘’Jack did bring me back; he did before you prayed to him.’’ Cas said quietly, staring at Dean’s hand breaking the twig. ‘’I thought…’’ Cas sighed and slid his legs from under him so he now sat facing Dean. ‘’Dean, I thought you didn’t want me. I was happy just confessing to you, I was ready to leave you behind. And when you didn’t even try to reach out to me, I-.‘’

‘’Dammit, Cas!’’ Dean threw away what was left over from the twig. ‘’Of course I didn’t reach out to you! It took everything from me to keep going. You sacrificed yourself for me, I had to keep going. If I hadn’t kept a tight lid on my emotions I would have been up here much sooner. I couldn’t allow myself to hope you would somehow come back to me again.’’ A tear rolled down Dean’s face as he finally opened up about what he had been carrying with him for so long. 

‘’Dean, it’s ok. I understand. You’re here now.’’ Cas scooted closer to Dean, their legs were touching, and Cas reached out a hand to touch Dean’s face and wipe away his tears. ‘’I’m here, you’re here. We’re together.’’ Cas dropped his hand to Dean’s knee as Dean cleaned his nose with the sleeve of his jacket. Coming to the realisation what Cas had just said he suddenly felt nervous. ‘’Cas? Did you mean it? Do you really lo- love me?’’ 

Castiel tilted his head and frowned his brows slightly. ‘’Of course, I meant what I said, or else I wouldn’t have said it. It was true happiness.’’ Castiel smiled at Dean as Dean finally had the courage to look Cas straight in the eye. ‘’I love you, Dean.’’ Dean smiled back at him. ‘’And I love you, Cas.’’ Cas got on his feet and offered his hand to Dean. ‘’Come on up.’’ Dean took it without any hesitation. As soon as Cas and he were on the same level they hugged each other tightly. Both men didn’t want to let go of each other as fear and pain seemed to fade away. 

After a few moments they pulled apart, but not for long. Cas brought his hand to Dean’s face, wiping away another tear that had rolled down his cheek. ‘’I’m not leaving you again, Dean.’’ Cas said as he pulled Dean’s face slowly to his own and planted a kiss softly on the corner of Dean’s mouth. Dean couldn’t help but sigh as he felt Cas’ lips on his. Not wanting to let the moment pass, Dean grabbed Cas’ face with both hands and kissed Cas full on the lips. The kiss was long, tender, Dean had never kissed someone this way before and he knew that he had finally let himself have what he had wanted for so long.

Breaking apart, they rested their heads against each other Dean spoke the words he had never thought he would ever utter: ‘’I finally understand what true happiness is.’’


End file.
